Life Like a River: What I'm Carrying Into 2026

The Art of Loosening Your Grip

Last week, I shared about a moment with my dad that used to break me — and didn’t.

Not because it wasn’t tender.
Not because it didn’t matter.
But because I didn’t react from the old place.

That moment was evidence of something I’ve been learning all year — something that keeps revealing itself in quiet, ordinary ways:

Life was never meant to be forced.

What I’ve Been Realizing

A few weekends ago, I spent time on the Oregon coast with a friend.

We walked Shore Acres Park.
We enjoyed the holiday lights.
We let time stretch.

We watched the king tides — the ocean showing its full power and force.
Turbulent. Wild. Unapologetic.

The ocean is home for me.
No matter the weather — raging or calm — something in me remembers when I’m there.

Standing on that shore, watching all that movement, I realized something I used to say all the time:

Go with the flow.

I thought it meant not fighting the current.
Not forcing the river.
Just letting life carry you.

But I had it backwards.

What I Thought Strength Was

For a long time, I believed strength meant holding tight.

Holding it together.
Holding space for everyone.
Holding family dynamics in place.
Holding my grief quietly.
Holding my voice until I was sure it wouldn’t hurt anyone.

I thought if I just held on long enough — carefully enough — things would stay intact.

But this year taught me something different:

The more I loosen my grip,
the more my life begins to flow.

What’s Been Letting Go

There’s an image that stopped me recently — the idea of a final layer loosening, the part that clung the longest.

That resonates.

This year has been about shedding:

• The belief that I have to prove I’m doing enough

• The habit of performing productivity to show I care

• The idea that if I just hold everything together, everyone will be okay

That story resisted its own ending for a long time.

But it’s finally loosening.

And here’s what I’ve learned:
You can’t claim your voice while clinging to everyone’s approval.
You can’t live authentically while holding tight to an old role.
You can’t flow like a river while trying to control the current.

What I’m Actually Proud Of

If I had to name what I’m proud of this year, it’s not what I accomplished.

It’s that I found my voice — and used it.

I said things out loud that I used to swallow.
I set boundaries that made people uncomfortable.
I wrote about grief people don’t like to name — and hit publish.
I spoke the both/and when the world wanted either/or.

For years, I kept the peace by abandoning myself.

This year, I stopped.

That isn’t just growth.
It’s reclamation.

And reclamation requires release.

What Loosening My Grip Actually Looks Like

It’s not dramatic.
It’s not a declaration.

It looks like choosing presence over performance.
Like not forcing clarity before it arrives.
Like allowing relationships to be what they are — not what I wish they’d be.
Like trusting that doing less, more honestly, is enough.

It looks like honoring quality over quantity.
Time. Energy. Love.

It looks like letting life move — instead of bracing against it.

Life Isn’t Punishing You — It’s Guiding You

When things don’t go according to plan, it’s easy to think something’s wrong.

But I’m learning this:

Closed doors aren’t always rejection.
Changed paths aren’t always mistakes.
Loss doesn’t mean failure.

Sometimes, life is guiding you —
and you can only see it when you loosen your grip on how you thought things were supposed to go.

So much of my life didn’t unfold the way I expected.

And yet…

I found my voice.
I set boundaries that changed everything.
I chose my life over performance.
I learned that presence matters more than appearances.

Life wasn’t punishing me.
It was guiding me.

But I had to loosen my grip to see it.

For Anyone Who Needs This

If you’re exhausted from holding tight…
If your hands ache from gripping outcomes…
If you’re trying to force the river to flow your way…

What if you didn’t?

Not in defeat.
Not in giving up.

But in trust.

Trust that life knows where it’s going.
Trust that you don’t have to control everything to be safe.
Trust that loosening your grip isn’t losing — it’s flowing.

You don’t have to hold it all.
You don’t have to force it all.
You don’t have to manage it all.

Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do
is let yourself move with the current.

This is Living Real Aloha.
This is where freedom lives.

With aloha,
Heidi

Living Real Aloha
Resilience Empowers Authentic Living